Thursday Thirteen - The Things People Say

A friend introduced me to a blog with some really funny exchanges between customers/callers and an employee at a London bookstore. Here is the website if you’d like to read more:

Jen Cambell Blogspot - Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

1.
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return this book, please.
Me: Do you have the receipt?
Customer: Here.
Me: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's.
Customer: Yes.
Me:.... we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: But, you're a bookshop.
Me: Yes, but we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: You're all part of the same chain.
Me: No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop.
Customer: ....
Me: Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?
Customer: Well, no, because they're different shops.
Me: Exactly.
Customer:... I'd like to speak to your manager.

-----

2.
Person: Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Patrick.
Me: No one of that name works here, sorry.
Person: But does he live here?
Me:... no one lives here; we're a bookshop.
Person: Are you sure?

-----

3.
Customer: Hi, if I buy a book, read it, and bring it back, could I exchange it for another book?
Me: No... because then we wouldn't make any money.
Customer: Oh.

-----

4.
Me: Ok, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I'll get the card machine."
Customer: No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I will not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You're trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it or I will go to a bookshop who doesn't want me to fall down a hole and die. Ok?

------

5.
Pizza Delivery Man [entering the shop with a large pile of pizzas and seeing me, the only person in the bookshop]: Hi, did you order fifteen pizzas?

-----

6.
Me: Hello, Ripping Yarns Bookshop
Man: Hello, is that Ripping Yarns?
Me: Yes, it is.
Man: Are you there?
Me: How do you mean?
Man: I mean, are you at the shop now?
Me: Erm... yes, you just rang the number for the bookshop and I answered.

-----

7.
Customer: Hello, I'd like a copy of 'The Water Babies,' with nice illustrations. But I don't want to pay a lot of money for it, so could you show me what editions you do have so I can look at them, and then I can go and find one online?

-----

8.
Customer: Do you sell ipod chargers?

-----

9.
Man: Hi, I've just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I'm the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to order?

-----

10.
Woman: Hi, my daughter is going to come by on her way home from school to buy a book. But she seems to buy books with sex in them and she's only twelve, so can I ask you to keep an eye out for her and make sure she doesn't buy anything inappropriate for her age? I can give you a list of authors she's allowed to buy.
Me: With all due respect, would it not be easier for you to come in with your daughter?
Woman: Certainly not. She's a grown girl, she can do it herself.

----

11.
Customer: Do you have any books on the dark arts?
Me: ...No.
Customer: Do you have any idea where I could find some?
Me: Why don't you try Knockturn Alley?
Customer: Where's that?
Me: Oh, the centre of London.
Customer: Thanks, I'll keep my eyes peeled for it.

-----

12.
Customer: I'm just going to nip to Tesco to do the weekly shop. I'm just going to leave my sons here, is that ok? They're three and five. They're no bother.

-----

13.
Customer: I read a book in the eighties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

----

Thursday Thirteen - Ways I Uphold Product Loyalty

1. I’m lazy and hate wasting time searching for a decent product, so I’m likely to remember the name of anything decent.

Thursday Thirteen - Animal Lovin'

I have seen quite a few animal mating rituals, if not the actual act of procreation itself. In retrospect, it’s sort of funny.

Down the Toilet

I have been thinking about getting an aquarium or perhaps a terrarium for some sort of little critter. Friends tell me the thought has persisted to the point I should act. Idly, I looked on eBay and found something really funny. Considering the toilet humor so prevalent in my home, it's something I'd buy from New Wave Fish if the price weren't a bit out of my league.

If you want more random fun, check out my Thursday Thirteen list on Darla M. Sands:

Items Improved by Plastic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quote of the Day

My talented friend and I get into the most interesting email conversations. The other day we were sharing our views on anal fisting. Yes, we talk a lot about sexual practices, especially of the BDSM flavor. It's only natural, considering we both write erotica focusing upon consensual power exchange. I treasure Dilo as a generous, knowledgeable, and witty source of information on intimate play.

To the matter at hand, though (pun definitely intended), we have very different opinions. Personally, the idea of an arm inside me anywhere simply does not appeal. I'd have to be dying to welcome it. She is much less averse to the idea. However, she did offer a very valid reason for not welcoming this particular practice. It's so understandable from the viewpoint of a fellow writer, the humor so deliciously dry, that I simply had to share.

I think it would take me way too long to work up to that and the time could be spent writing.

Quote of the Day

Yesterday I stumbled upon a startling image while innocently researching temple statuary in Japan. I'm grateful to the Virtual Tourist website for providing this image of the giant phallus in Tagata Shrine:



Of course, I had to share with my partner, who promptly said:

How would you like to be the guy whose job it is to polish that every day?

I refuse to be like Fluffy but I just loved the picture...

Wild West

However much I complain about my job, the boss is cool. He rides a beautiful Harley and has a very open mind. My father sent me a funny email and I'm forwarding my supervisor this picture with the caption that he needs one:

Writer's Retreat Blog Post

Today I expounded upon the type of gaff that I sometimes feel alone in being able to achieve. Click for a laugh and I hope you'll share experiences of your own...

Writer's Retreat Blog

Friday Funny

In place of a ficlet piece, I decided to share a laugh. Be warned that I'm notorious for being way behind the curve on jokes. Hence, this might be really old and I just don't have a clue. Since I won't see you rolling your eyes if this joke is actually older than the internet, here goes...

A husband and wife were watching a television program about psychology. As an aside, he mentioned that he didn't believe in so-called "mixed emotions". She offered to prove the existence and he agreed.

"I can tell you something that will make you both the happiest and the saddest you've ever felt in your life."

"All right," he agreed, "give it a shot."

"You have a bigger penis than every single one of your friends."

Confucius say...

At a local restaurant serving both Chinese and Japanese cuisine, I received a fortune cookie after my sushi lunch the other day. Thanks to a friend of mine, I learned to add the words “in bed” after the inscription. With that in mind, read what tidbit I found in my recent dessert:

A man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife.