In place of a ficlet piece, I decided to share a laugh. Be warned that I'm notorious for being way behind the curve on jokes. Hence, this might be really old and I just don't have a clue. Since I won't see you rolling your eyes if this joke is actually older than the internet, here goes...
A husband and wife were watching a television program about psychology. As an aside, he mentioned that he didn't believe in so-called "mixed emotions". She offered to prove the existence and he agreed.
"I can tell you something that will make you both the happiest and the saddest you've ever felt in your life."
"All right," he agreed, "give it a shot."
"You have a bigger penis than every single one of your friends."