A friend introduced me to a blog with some really funny exchanges between customers/callers and an employee at a London bookstore. Here is the website if you’d like to read more:
Jen Cambell Blogspot - Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops
1.
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return this book, please.
Me: Do you have the receipt?
Customer: Here.
Me: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's.
Customer: Yes.
Me:.... we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: But, you're a bookshop.
Me: Yes, but we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: You're all part of the same chain.
Me: No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop.
Customer: ....
Me: Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?
Customer: Well, no, because they're different shops.
Me: Exactly.
Customer:... I'd like to speak to your manager.
-----
2.
Person: Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Patrick.
Me: No one of that name works here, sorry.
Person: But does he live here?
Me:... no one lives here; we're a bookshop.
Person: Are you sure?
-----
3.
Customer: Hi, if I buy a book, read it, and bring it back, could I exchange it for another book?
Me: No... because then we wouldn't make any money.
Customer: Oh.
-----
4.
Me: Ok, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I'll get the card machine."
Customer: No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I will not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You're trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it or I will go to a bookshop who doesn't want me to fall down a hole and die. Ok?
------
5.
Pizza Delivery Man [entering the shop with a large pile of pizzas and seeing me, the only person in the bookshop]: Hi, did you order fifteen pizzas?
-----
6.
Me: Hello, Ripping Yarns Bookshop
Man: Hello, is that Ripping Yarns?
Me: Yes, it is.
Man: Are you there?
Me: How do you mean?
Man: I mean, are you at the shop now?
Me: Erm... yes, you just rang the number for the bookshop and I answered.
-----
7.
Customer: Hello, I'd like a copy of 'The Water Babies,' with nice illustrations. But I don't want to pay a lot of money for it, so could you show me what editions you do have so I can look at them, and then I can go and find one online?
-----
8.
Customer: Do you sell ipod chargers?
-----
9.
Man: Hi, I've just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I'm the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to order?
-----
10.
Woman: Hi, my daughter is going to come by on her way home from school to buy a book. But she seems to buy books with sex in them and she's only twelve, so can I ask you to keep an eye out for her and make sure she doesn't buy anything inappropriate for her age? I can give you a list of authors she's allowed to buy.
Me: With all due respect, would it not be easier for you to come in with your daughter?
Woman: Certainly not. She's a grown girl, she can do it herself.
----
11.
Customer: Do you have any books on the dark arts?
Me: ...No.
Customer: Do you have any idea where I could find some?
Me: Why don't you try Knockturn Alley?
Customer: Where's that?
Me: Oh, the centre of London.
Customer: Thanks, I'll keep my eyes peeled for it.
-----
12.
Customer: I'm just going to nip to Tesco to do the weekly shop. I'm just going to leave my sons here, is that ok? They're three and five. They're no bother.
-----
13.
Customer: I read a book in the eighties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?
----
Jen Cambell Blogspot - Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops
1.
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return this book, please.
Me: Do you have the receipt?
Customer: Here.
Me: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's.
Customer: Yes.
Me:.... we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: But, you're a bookshop.
Me: Yes, but we're not Waterstone's.
Customer: You're all part of the same chain.
Me: No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop.
Customer: ....
Me: Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?
Customer: Well, no, because they're different shops.
Me: Exactly.
Customer:... I'd like to speak to your manager.
-----
2.
Person: Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Patrick.
Me: No one of that name works here, sorry.
Person: But does he live here?
Me:... no one lives here; we're a bookshop.
Person: Are you sure?
-----
3.
Customer: Hi, if I buy a book, read it, and bring it back, could I exchange it for another book?
Me: No... because then we wouldn't make any money.
Customer: Oh.
-----
4.
Me: Ok, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I'll get the card machine."
Customer: No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I will not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You're trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it or I will go to a bookshop who doesn't want me to fall down a hole and die. Ok?
------
5.
Pizza Delivery Man [entering the shop with a large pile of pizzas and seeing me, the only person in the bookshop]: Hi, did you order fifteen pizzas?
-----
6.
Me: Hello, Ripping Yarns Bookshop
Man: Hello, is that Ripping Yarns?
Me: Yes, it is.
Man: Are you there?
Me: How do you mean?
Man: I mean, are you at the shop now?
Me: Erm... yes, you just rang the number for the bookshop and I answered.
-----
7.
Customer: Hello, I'd like a copy of 'The Water Babies,' with nice illustrations. But I don't want to pay a lot of money for it, so could you show me what editions you do have so I can look at them, and then I can go and find one online?
-----
8.
Customer: Do you sell ipod chargers?
-----
9.
Man: Hi, I've just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I'm the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to order?
-----
10.
Woman: Hi, my daughter is going to come by on her way home from school to buy a book. But she seems to buy books with sex in them and she's only twelve, so can I ask you to keep an eye out for her and make sure she doesn't buy anything inappropriate for her age? I can give you a list of authors she's allowed to buy.
Me: With all due respect, would it not be easier for you to come in with your daughter?
Woman: Certainly not. She's a grown girl, she can do it herself.
----
11.
Customer: Do you have any books on the dark arts?
Me: ...No.
Customer: Do you have any idea where I could find some?
Me: Why don't you try Knockturn Alley?
Customer: Where's that?
Me: Oh, the centre of London.
Customer: Thanks, I'll keep my eyes peeled for it.
-----
12.
Customer: I'm just going to nip to Tesco to do the weekly shop. I'm just going to leave my sons here, is that ok? They're three and five. They're no bother.
-----
13.
Customer: I read a book in the eighties. I don't remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?
----
Ah, customer service. :shudder:
ReplyDeleteOMG, the things customers say. I used to get quite a few when I worked in admin at McDonald's.
ReplyDeleteOMG, some people. It reminds me of when my hubby and I ran a small appliance shop.
ReplyDeleteOne person called and yelled: It's about time you answered the damn phone.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but we don't open until ten. And it's now ten o'clock.
Him: Well, I've been calling since six o'clock this morning.
Me: We don't live at the store, sir.
Janice~
Ah, the wonderful life of customer service, I know it well! Thanks for the smile.
ReplyDeleteHappy TT,
~Xakara
13 Smileys
OMG...that's hilarious!
ReplyDelete1. Sure. Hey, boss. There's an idiot up here that wants to talk to you.
2. We tried to live here but people complained when the hubby walked around in his underwear.
3. Um...that would be a library...not a bookstore.
4. No problem. I'll just charge you £12.99 for the book and make a second transaction for £0.06 to cover the packaging.
5. Yeah, I didn't have breakfast....for the last three weeks!
6. Yeah, the shop is generally where we are when we answer calls placed to the shop.
7. Sure, but I'll have to charge you a £25.99 for idiots that don't know how to GOOGLE!
8. Sure do. Aisle 37 next to the can openers, across from the cosmetics.
9. How many of your friends have paid for their pre-order?
10. Then since she's 'grown' sex books shouldn't be an issue.
11. NO comment. LOL
12. But I am a bother...so you best take them with you.
13. Sure do. Just sold the last one to the guy who just left. Why don't you try down the street?
Disturbing, but funny. (Or perhaps the reverse). Thanks for another great list.
ReplyDeleteOh. My. God. Makes you wonder. I mean, if they're customers of a bookstore they READ right? *shakes head*
ReplyDeleteI swear I left a comment Thursday. Guess it's a good thing I saved it:
ReplyDeleteOh, these are good. The Knockturn Alley one especially made me laugh. Muggles! *g*
Good gracious. I remember conversations very similar to these back when I worked in bookshops - and other shops, as well.
ReplyDeleteEGADS! It's funny in retrospect, but oy, it's difficult "in the moment", eh? Retail isn't for sissies, that's for sure!
Happy (belated) TT!